So i when i left off, it was October. I was at the end of my rope. A tidal wave of every emotion hit me and not in a good way, like i said; MY 4th suicide attempt. I
didnt actually want to do it. For 3 days, i did what I should have done. Reached out for help– to the wrong person of course. I begged. I pleaded. “I feel suicidal help me.” and i quote “get me drugs” IM NOT PERFECT and the times were not perfect and i wanted anything but to die but for three days i got pushed more and more to it. I got mad at for pleading. I got choked out in front my kids for it BECAUSE “I SAID IT IN FRONT MY KIDS” this was on day 3. Mind you we were in the car doing 70 coming up to curves, NOT a curve, CURVES. i still didn’t do it. the next more I PLEADED ONE MORE TIME and got nothing so i took my whole bottle of latuda. HA that was a joke in its self. (don’t do it if your reading this thinking it will be a joke for you. it just didn’t do anything to me. IT MAY DO SOMETHING FOR YOU)
NOWWWW he acts concerned and calls 911. I shoot out the door running, this isn’t my first rodeo; i don’t know where i was going but i was going. He chased me down and tackled me. Then here comes the cavalry— BUT i didnt keep my mouth shut about him choking me. The cops looked at me and told me straight up “
IF I DONT LEAVE NOW YOU WILL END UP DEAD.” &off I go for a week stay at a psych hospital for my attempt.
“I will never apologize for being me, but I will apologize for the times that i am not”Michael Carini
While in the hospital. GUESS WHAT??
heleaves. I literally got abandoned in the time i needed people the most. When i came home& people asked how i was cause they were starting to hear what happened. All i could say is
“I feel like an abandoned abused dog you find. Skittish. I don’t know any other way to describe how I feel.”Summer Poirrier
But I was done. I wished him the best hoped he found the man I once new and loved I even wrote him a letter. For 3 weeks I never saw him nor really tried to reach out unless it was necessary for the kids. Every second from when I got home I “was the worst thing to ever happen to him in his life and the spawn of Satan” etc. Mind you I’m not caring about him really at this point. Well then here comes the start of another 2 crazy month ride cause you know. I just haven’t learned my lesson yet,
NOW THATS FUNNY. Holidays coming up, he pops up at the house to drop off present for the kids, sees a friend that is at my house he didn’t like. Turns my cell phone off, and later proceeds to try and tow the car of said friend cause
Somehow a couple days later he got my dumbass to go ride with him at work in the tow truck and I needed to get my new phone on since I had my own way to just no ride. MY DUMBASS LOCKS MYSELF OUT THE HOUSE, and it’s dark and freezing. Who’s the quickest break in artist I know?
Hmmphm… Yeah, him.😔 He never left until January. It was miserable but I didn’t let him get to me. Not like before. He was stressing me out but he wasn’t beating me mentally anymore. I just had to get him out and gone tough it out.
Christmas was miserable. I just slept it was so bad. And then it got worse. OH MY GOD! Did it get worse. He went from all lovey and went meet a friend and came back and was just so cold heartless BUT SAYING THE RIGHT WORDS but his meaning wasn’t what he was saying. I know confusing huh? Well,
i ended up on my toilet locked in the bathroom begging God to please give me answers cause I didn’t know what was going on and I truly felt I was about to go crazy if it kept up. Like END UP IN THE PSYCH WARD FOR LIFE type of crazy that’s how bad he was fucking with me. I screamed YOU GOT TO GO!
It was right then I realized his WHOLE GAME.
Game over bitch!
Ever learned how to beat a narcissistic? No? I have. As a defense mechanism. If you follow along this is a life long battle I’ve fought.
“you beat a narcissist by being a narcissist &or lack of attention.”Dont quote me, I just quoted me.
Finally beginning of January I was done made him leave didn’t care he had no where to go, he was on foot,
NONE OF THAT. 2;00am it’s 29° and he knocks on my door, well I tell him he can stay but sun up he gone I give no fucks. When sun came up he didn’t want to leave started throwing a fit and I called over my grandpa cause, he wasn’t supposed to be on the property anyway. 🤓 My grandpa made him leave. OFFF COURSE, he accidentally leaves with my food stamps card. 🙄 It took me 3 days to get it back and when I finally did he man handled me in front of my son and almost threw me to the cement over my iPhone he took. So GET EXCITED FINALLY!
I GOT A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST HIM FINALLY.
And it’s been like that ever since. It’s almost been a year now and I don’t plan to change it now or ever. He hasn’t bothered me but I’m sure he keeps his tabs cause that’s just who he is. Crazy psycho